Ruminating, Overthinking & That One Time I Mentally Rehearsed a Breakup That Never Happened

If you're a woman struggling with overthinking, anxiety, or feeling stuck in your thoughts — this one's for you.

Let’s get honest.

Have you ever spent more time analyzing a situation than actually living your life? Like when you're lying in bed, scrolling Instagram, and suddenly your brain decides to replay that awkward conversation from 3 days ago… for the 17th time?

Welcome to the reality of rumination and anxious overthinking.

You’re not broken. You’re not losing it. You’re probably just exhausted from trying to feel safe.

Why Women Overthink: A Mix of Attachment and IFS Insight

Many women who seek therapy for anxiety or emotional overwhelm often describe the same experience: a mind that won’t stop spinning.

Here’s what might be going on beneath the surface:

1. Anxious Attachment Style – When our early relationships were inconsistent, we learned to anticipate disconnection. We scan, worry, rehearse.
2. Protective Parts (from IFS therapy) – We all have parts that try to protect us from pain. And for some of us, one of those protectors uses rumination as its go-to survival strategy.

This part believes:
If I can just think through everything ahead of time, I won’t get blindsided. I’ll be okay. I’ll be in control.

It's not trying to hurt you.
It's trying to love you — in a way that that unintentionally causes a lot of stress.

Why Overthinking Hurts: Your Nervous System Believes the Story

Here’s the thing: When you’re caught in a cycle of rumination, your nervous system responds as if what you're imagining is actually happening.

Your thoughts might be about something in the past or something that might happen in the future, but your body doesn’t pause to fact-check timelines.

Your system — brain, body, emotions — experiences imagined danger in much the same way it does real danger.

That’s why your heart races.
Why your breathing changes.
Why your muscles tense.
Why sleep disappears.

Rumination creates a stress response — even when you're safe in your room with a snack and a soft blanket.

This is how the mind-body connection works: your internal world sends signals, and your body acts on them as truth. It’s not because you’re broken — it’s because you’re wired for survival.

5 Somatic Tools to Help Women Calm the Overthinking Cycle

The good news? You can’t think your way out of rumination — but you can move your way through it.

These somatic practices for anxiety help bring your body back online:

Butterfly Hug: Used in EMDR therapy, this gentle tapping technique helps regulate the nervous system. Cross arms over your chest, tap shoulders alternately. Great for panic, overwhelm, or emotional flashbacks.

Sigh Breaths: Take a big inhale through your nose and let out an audible sigh through your mouth. Do this 3–5 times. This literally signals safety to your body.

Orienting Practice: Slowly look around your space. Let your eyes land on something neutral or beautiful. Remind yourself: I am safe in this moment.

Shake it Off: Yes — like Taylor said. Shake your limbs. Dance around. Let your body discharge nervous energy. It’s weird. It works.

Anchor Touch & Breath: Place one hand on your heart and the other on your belly. Take 3 slow breaths. As you breathe, gently press your hands into your body — reminding it:
“I am here. I am safe. I am in my body.” This grounding moment takes 15 seconds, but helps interrupt the spiral and re-center your nervous system.

Two DBT Tools for Overthinking & Emotional Regulation

If you're in therapy or just therapy-curious, these DBT (Dialectical Behavioural Therapy) tools can help shift your mental state fast.

What’s the Evidence? (Check the Facts)

Ask:

• What’s the evidence for this thought?
• What’s the evidence against it?
• Is there a more balanced perspective?

It’s a gentle way to challenge anxious thoughts without shaming yourself.

TIPP for Emotional Reset

A full-body emergency kit for anxiety:

• T – Temperature: Splash cold water on your face or use an ice pack
• I – Intense Exercise: 30 seconds of movement to shift adrenaline
• P – Paced Breathing: Inhale for 4, exhale for 6
• P – Progressive Relaxation: Tense and release muscles in your body

TIPP is ideal when you're in it and can’t “think clearly.” It works through the body instead.

So… How Do I Stop Overthinking?

Start with compassion.

If you’re ruminating, there’s a part of you that’s just trying to protect you.
Get curious. Say: “Thank you for trying to keep me safe. I see you. I’ve got us now.”

Then — gently — come back to the present. Use the tools. Breathe. Move. Reach out.

Overthinking isn’t who you are. It’s what you learned to do to stay safe.
You’re allowed to choose something new now.

If you’re a woman who’s tired of thinking about everything endlessly, all the time, we’re here to help.

At Women's Therapy Centre, we provide:

• Attachment-based EMDR therapy
• IFS (Internal Family Systems)
• Somatic healing for anxiety and trauma
• Nervous system regulation
• Therapy for high-functioning women who are overwhelmed on the inside

You don’t have to do this alone. You’re not too much. And you deserve to feel safe in your own mind — and body.