Masking in Women: The Hidden Cost of High-Functioning Coping

By Jena MacDonald, Canadian Certified Counsellor (Qualifying)
Women’s Therapy Centre
Virtual therapy across Nova Scotia and select provinces in Canada

What Is Masking?

Masking is the act of consciously or unconsciously hiding parts of yourself to appear socially acceptable, competent, or emotionally “together.” Many women learn to mask early in life. They:

• Suppress big feelings
• Mimic social behavior
• Over-prepare
• Overachieve
• Avoid conflict
• Downplay their needs

Masking is common among women with high-functioning anxiety, ADHD, autism, and those navigating LGBTQ+ identity development. It can look like success, but it often feels like exhaustion.

Masking and High-Functioning Anxiety

High-functioning anxiety is often praised. You get things done. You look capable. You meet deadlines. You show up for everyone. But internally, you may feel:

• On edge
• Restless
• Afraid of making mistakes
• Like you’re secretly falling apart

Masking keeps the anxiety hidden. And because others cannot see the struggle, your boss keeps assigning more, your friends don't offer support. Over time, constant performance leads to burnout.

Masking in Autistic and Neurodivergent Women

Many autistic women and neurodivergent individuals learn to camouflage their traits to fit social expectations.This may include:

• Forcing eye contact
• Rehearsing conversations
• Copying others’ mannerisms
• Suppressing sensory discomfort
• Avoiding stimming behaviors

Late-diagnosed autism in women is common because masking can hide traits for years. But masking comes at a cost:

• Chronic fatigue
• Identity confusion
• Emotional shutdown
• Increased anxiety and depression

Masking is survival. But survival is not the same as authenticity. And living in a place of survival is simply exhausting. 

2SLGBTQIA+ Identity and Masking

Masking is also common among  2SLGBTQIA+ women.You may have learned to:

• Minimize parts of your identity
• Code-switch depending on environment
• Stay quiet to avoid rejection
• Prioritize safety over authenticity

Over time, identity suppression can disconnect you from yourself. Self-compassion becomes essential when unlearning masking patterns. Unlearning masking is not just about changing behaviour — it’s about meeting the parts of you that learned survival through performance. Self-compassion creates the safety needed to explore authenticity without shame.

The Nervous System Cost of Constant Performance

When you are always monitoring yourself, your nervous system stays in a heightened state of alert. You may experience:

• Hypervigilance
• Emotional exhaustion
• Difficulty relaxing
• Shutdown or numbness
• Feeling like you don’t know who you are without the performance

Masking often keeps you functional but it also keeps your body in survival mode, an exhausting and unsustainable place to stay. You shouldn't have to feel like your true self is an unsafe place to be. 

How Therapy Helps You Unmask Safely

Unmasking does not mean abruptly changing your life.It means:

• Identifying which parts of you feel authentic
• Understanding protective coping strategies
• Building self-compassion
• Creating environments where you don’t have to perform
• Learning nervous system regulation skills

Jena integrates person-centred therapy, CBT, DBT, and trauma-informed approaches to support women exploring identity, neurodivergence, and authenticity. You deserve spaces where all of you feels safe to show up. If you feel like you are constantly performing, competent on the outside, exhausted on the inside — you may be carrying the weight of masking. Support can help you reconnect with who you are beneath the performance. Jena specializes in supporting LGBTQ+ women and late-diagnosed neurodivergent women navigating high-functioning anxiety and identity fatigue. You can book a free virtual therapy consultation to explore what unmasking safely could look like for you.

About the Author

Jena MacDonald is a Canadian Certified Counsellor (Qualifying) at Women’s Therapy Centre who specializes in LGBTQ+ mental health, high-functioning anxiety, masking, and late-diagnosed autism in women. She works with clients navigating identity exploration, neurodivergence, and chronic emotional exhaustion from performing competence.

As a later-diagnosed autistic woman, Jena brings both clinical training and lived insight to her work. She understands the complexity of masking, identity fatigue, and the relief that can come with finally feeling understood — helping clients feel they do not have to overexplain their experience in the therapy room.

She provides virtual psychotherapy services across Nova Scotia and most provinces in Canada.

Frequently Asked Questions About Masking in Women

What is masking in autism? 

Masking in autism refers to hiding or camouflaging autistic traits to fit social expectations.

Why do women mask more often? 

Women are often socialized to prioritize social harmony and emotional regulation, which can increase masking behaviors.

Is masking linked to anxiety? 

Yes. Masking is strongly associated with high-functioning anxiety and chronic stress because the body is in a constant state of monitoring, self-editing, and anticipating how it is being perceived.

Can therapy help with masking? 

Therapy can help individuals identify masking patterns, build self-compassion, and develop authentic coping strategies.

When to Seek Immediate Support: If stress, anxiety, or overwhelm is contributing to thoughts of self-harm or you feel unable to cope safely, seek immediate support. In Canada, call or text 9-8-8 for free, confidential crisis support. In emergencies, call 911. This article is for informational purposes only and does not replace medical or psycholgical care.