Let’s be real for a minute.

Most of us were raised to second-guess our feelings before we ever got to know them. Somewhere between girlhood and adulthood, we learned to shrink ourselves emotionally—to smile when we wanted to cry, to stay quiet when we wanted to scream, and to brush off pain because “someone else probably has it worse.”

Sound familiar?

This isn’t just personal—it’s cultural.

The Early Messaging: “You’re too much”

From an early age, girls often receive the message (directly or subtly) that they should be:

• Nice instead of assertive
• Quiet instead of curious
• Grateful instead of angry
• Composed instead of vulnerable

This emotional conditioning teaches us that big feelings are a liability—and it’s no coincidence that so many women grow up deeply disconnected from their emotional needs.

According to the Mayo Clinic, women are diagnosed with depression at nearly twice the rate of men starting in adolescence. And the American Psychological Association has consistently reported that women experience more frequent and intense emotional stress than men. But the twist? We’re also taught to hide it. Bury it. “Be fine.” But here's the truth: Your feelings aren’t a flaw. They are your built-in feedback system—the wisest part of you whispering, "Hey, something needs your attention here."

Try This: A 5-Step Process to Start Listening In

💗 1. Pause and breathe
Seriously. Drop your shoulders. Exhale. You’ve been holding a lot. Let yourself land in the moment.

🧠 2. Ask: What am I feeling?
Not what you should feel. Not what’s acceptable. Just what’s real. Even if it’s messy. Especially if it’s messy.

🫀 3. Go deeper: What might this feeling be trying to tell me?
Is your anger protecting your boundaries?
Is your sadness signaling something (or someone) needs tending?
Is your anxiety asking for more support?

🤲 4. Ask: What do I need right now?
Not tomorrow. Not next week. Right now.
It might be silence, space, water, touch, laughter, movement, therapy—or just a good cry.

💬 5. Respond like you would to someone you love.
Because you are someone you love. Or at least, someone you’re learning to love again.

Emotional self-care isn’t weak. It’s brave.

Listening to yourself is radical in a world that benefits from you staying small, silent, and self-doubting. But here’s the good news: Every time you pause to check in with your heart, you’re rewriting the script and reconditioning your nervous system.  You’re saying, “My needs matter. My feelings count. I’m allowed to take up space here.” And you're teaching your nervous sytem that it is safe to feel all the feelings.