Living Between Two Worlds: The Emotional Reality of Being a First-Generation Daughter of Immigrants

By Abigail Ajodha, Registered Psychotherapist
Women’s Therapy Centre | Virtual therapy across Ontario and most provinces in Canada

You Learned Early How to Be Two Things at Once

At home, there were expectations.

Spoken or unspoken.

About who you should be.
How you should behave.
What mattered most.

Outside of home, there was a different set of rules.

Different values.
Different freedoms.
Different ways of being.

And somewhere in between…

You learned how to move between both.

To adjust.
To translate.
To carry.

When You Don’t Fully Belong in Either Place

You might feel:

too much of one thing in one space

not enough of that same thing in another

Too independent.
Too traditional.
Too emotional.
Not emotional enough.

It can feel like you are constantly calibrating yourself depending on where you are.

And even when you’re doing it well…It can still feel like you don’t fully land anywhere.

The Pressure That Doesn’t Always Get Named

There’s often a kind of pressure that lives quietly in the background.

It might look like:

• wanting to honour your family’s sacrifices
• feeling responsible for their well-being
• carrying expectations around success, stability, or role
• holding guilt when your path looks different

This isn’t just external pressure.

Over time, it becomes internal.

A part of you that asks:

Am I doing enough?
Am I letting them down?
Where do I fit in all of this?

When Support Wasn’t Always an Option

For many first-generation women, seeking support isn’t always something that was encouraged.

In some families and cultural contexts, therapy may be seen as:

• unnecessary
• something kept private within the family
• only considered in moments of crisis

Or it may simply not have been something that was familiar or accessible.

Because of this, you may have learned to:

• handle things on your own
• minimize what you’re feeling
• push through, even when it feels heavy

And at the same time, there can be a part of you now that is:

• curious about support
• wanting something different
• unsure if it’s “okay” to reach for help
• Both of those experiences can exist at once. Exploring support doesn’t mean rejecting where you come from. It can be a way of understanding yourself more fully within it.

You May Be Carrying More Than Just Your Own Life

For many first-generation women, decisions don’t feel individual.

They feel layered.

Your choices can feel tied to:

• family expectations
• cultural values
• generational sacrifices
• unspoken responsibility

Which means even small decisions can feel heavy.

Not because you’re overthinking. Because you’re holding more than one perspective at once.

This kind of layered responsibility can look different across life stages, including in caregiving roles.
🌿 You can explore more here: Mom Burnout and the Invisible Load

The Nervous System Learns This Too

This experience isn’t just emotional.

It becomes embodied.

Your nervous system can learn to:

• stay alert to expectations
• anticipate reactions
• adjust quickly to maintain connection
• hold tension between opposing needs

Over time, this can show up as:

• anxiety
• overthinking
• difficulty making decisions
• feeling pulled in different directions

When Guilt Becomes the Default

There can be a quiet undercurrent of guilt that follows you.

Guilt for:

• wanting something different
• setting boundaries
• choosing yourself
• not meeting expectations in the way you “should”

Even when your choices are reasonable.

Even when they are necessary. That guilt doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It often means you’re navigating something complex.

This Isn’t About Choosing One World Over the Other

It can sometimes feel like the only options are:

stay loyal
or
be independent

But most people don’t want to lose one to gain the other.

They want:

• connection without losing themselves
• autonomy without guilt
• a way of being that feels integrated, not split

There Is Nothing “Wrong” With You for Finding This Hard

There’s often a quiet question underneath all of this:

Why does this feel so difficult for me?

But this isn’t a personal failing.

It’s a reflection of:

• holding multiple identities
• navigating different value systems
• adapting in ways that made sense at the time

It makes sense that this feels complicated. And it also deserves support.

What Support Can Look Like

Support here isn’t about telling you which path to choose.

It’s about helping you:

• understand the patterns you’ve developed
• separate your needs from expectations
• explore what feels true for you
• build a sense of self that can hold both parts of your experience

At Women’s Therapy Centre, therapist Abigail Ajodha supports first-generation Canadian women navigating identity, cultural expectations, and the emotional weight of living between two worlds. Drawing from both clinical training and lived experience, she understands how layered and nuanced this can feel.

You Don’t Have to Keep Navigating This Alone

You’ve likely learned how to carry a lot quietly.

To adapt.
To manage.
To keep things moving.

But you don’t have to keep doing it all on your own.

You can start with a free virtual consultation — a space to explore this without pressure or judgment.

About the Author

Abigail Ajodha is a therapist at Women’s Therapy Centre who supports women navigating identity, burnout, and the emotional weight of caregiving and cultural expectations. As a first-generation Canadian to immigrant parents, she brings both lived and clinical insight into the experience of balancing multiple worlds while staying connected to yourself. She provides virtual therapy across Ontario and most Canadian provinces. 

Frequently Asked Questions

What does it mean to be first-generation Canadian?

It typically refers to individuals born in Canada to immigrant parents, often navigating both their family’s culture and the broader Canadian context.

Why do I feel guilty for wanting something different than my family?

This can come from a deep sense of loyalty, responsibility, and awareness of your family’s sacrifices. It’s a common experience among first-generation individuals.

Is it normal to feel like I don’t fully belong anywhere?

Yes. Many first-generation individuals describe feeling caught between cultures, which can create a sense of being “in between.”

Can therapy help with this?

Therapy can help you explore identity, understand internalized expectations, and build a sense of self that feels more grounded and aligned with your own values.

When to seek immediate support: If anxiety, trauma symptoms, or emotional distress are contributing to thoughts of self-harm, seek immediate support. In Canada, please call or text 9-8-8 for free, confidential crisis support. In emergencies, call 911. This article is for informational purposes only and does not replace medical or psychological care.