Self-Compassion for 2SLGBTQIA+ Women: Healing Internalized Shame

By Jena MacDonald, Canadian Certified Counsellor (Qualifying)
Women’s Therapy Centre
Virtual therapy across Nova Scotia and select provinces in Canada

When the World Teaches You to Shrink

Many 2SLGBTQIA+ women grow up learning, often quietly and indirectly, that parts of who they are might not be fully accepted.

Maybe it was a comment. A look. A “joke” that wasn’t funny but hurtful and out of touch.
Maybe you learned early to read the room before you spoke.
Maybe you softened parts of yourself to stay safe.
Maybe you became very good at adapting.

And the truth is, this vigilance doesn’t come from nowhere. Even today, many 2SLGBTQIA+ people still encounter stigma, prejudice, and misunderstanding in families, workplaces, communities, and systems that were not designed with their safety in mind.

When the world sends those messages often enough, it’s easy for them to turn inward.

Over time, that kind of vigilance can become internalized. Instead of offering yourself understanding, you may find yourself leading with criticism to get ahead of perceived judgment.

Self-compassion asks something radical in return, what if you met yourself with the same love you show everyone else? 

Why Self-Compassion Can Feel So Uncomfortable

For many 2SLGBTQIA+ women, self-compassion doesn’t come naturally.

It can feel unfamiliar. Even a little suspicious.

If you spent years monitoring how you showed up in the world by adjusting your voice, your reactions, or your identity depending on the environment — kindness toward yourself may feel like a luxury you were never taught to take.

Some women describe feeling like they are constantly editing themselves. This kind of masking can become second nature.

Masking helps you navigate environments that may not feel fully safe. But over time, it can make it harder to feel connected to yourself.

Self-compassion is one way that connection begins to return. It's one way to ensure you are surrounded by support and love on every step of your journey. 

The Cost of Being Hard on Yourself

When self-criticism becomes your default voice, it often sounds like:

• “Why am I like this?”
• “I should be able to handle this.”
• “Everyone else seems to manage.”

But chronic self-criticism doesn’t build resilience. It creates, internalized shame, insecurity and doubt and those are heavy. Over time these experiences can turn inward and become internalized shame — the quiet belief that something about who you are needs to be corrected or hidden. For many women, this internalized criticism can also show up alongside high-functioning anxiety, where everything appears fine on the outside while stress builds internally.

Research shows that self-compassion is associated with:

• Lower anxiety and depression
• Greater emotional resilience
• Improved relationship satisfaction
• A stronger sense of identity

Self-compassion doesn’t mean ignoring challenges. It means meeting those challenges without abandoning yourself in the process.

Self-Compassion and Identity

For many 2SLGBTQIA+ women, developing self-compassion is deeply connected to identity work.

You may be learning to:

• Trust your own experience
• Challenge internalized shame
• Reconnect with parts of yourself that had to stay quiet
• Create space for authenticity

This process isn’t about becoming a different person. It’s about becoming more fully yourself. It's about unlearning to listen to the voices and judgments of others. It's about learning to love all of you, without the need to be perfect, productive or performative. 

What Self-Compassion Looks Like in Practice

Self-compassion isn’t just a mindset. It shows up in small, everyday moments.

It might look like:

• Pausing when self-criticism shows up
• Speaking to yourself the way you would speak to a friend
• Recognizing that your reactions make sense given your experiences
• Allowing rest instead of pushing through exhaustion
• Letting yourself exist without constant self-monitoring

These shifts may seem small, but over time they change the tone of your inner world.

Therapy as a Place to Practice Self-Compassion

For many people, therapy becomes one of the first places they experience consistent self-compassion.

In therapy, you are not expected to:

• perform
• minimize your experiences
• explain why your identity matters

You get to show up as you are, without editing yourself and that can be one of the most healing parts of therapy.

Jena works with LGBTQ+ women navigating identity exploration, masking, and high-functioning anxiety. Her approach integrates compassion-focused work with evidence-based therapy approaches that support both emotional safety and practical change.

Ready to Be a Little Gentler With Yourself?

If you’ve spent years being hard on yourself just to get through the day, it makes sense that self-compassion might feel unfamiliar.

But unfamiliar doesn’t mean impossible. Support can help you learn how to relate to yourself with more understanding, steadiness, and care.

Jena specializes in supporting 2SLGBTQIA+ women navigating masking, identity fatigue, and high-functioning anxiety. You can book a free virtual therapy consultation to explore whether therapy feels like the right next step. 

About the Author

Jena MacDonald is a Canadian Certified Counsellor (Qualifying) at Women’s Therapy Centre who specializes in 2SLGBTQIA+ mental health, high-functioning anxiety, masking, and late-diagnosed autism in women. She works with clients navigating identity exploration, neurodivergence, and chronic emotional exhaustion from performing competence.

As a later-diagnosed autistic woman, Jena brings both clinical training and lived insight to her work. She understands the complexity of masking, identity fatigue, and the relief that can come with finally feeling understood — helping clients feel they do not have to overexplain their experience in the therapy room.

She provides virtual psychotherapy services across Nova Scotia and most provinces in Canada.

Frequently Asked Questions About Self-Compassion for 2SLGBTQIA+ Women

What is self-compassion in therapy?

Self-compassion in therapy involves learning to respond to your own struggles with understanding rather than criticism. It can improve emotional resilience and reduce anxiety.

Why do 2SLGBTQIA+ women struggle with self-compassion?

Many 2SLGBTQIA+ individuals grow up navigating environments where aspects of their identity are questioned or misunderstood. Over time, those experiences can turn inward and become internalized self-criticism.

In an effort to avoid judgment or mistreatment, a protective part may develop — one that tries to anticipate criticism before it happens. This self-critical part often believes it is helping by pushing you to fit in, stay small, or carefully monitor how you show up in the world.

In this way, self-criticism can function as a kind of protection. If you judge yourself first, it may feel like you can avoid being judged by others.

Because of this, self-compassion can initially feel unsafe for many 2SLGBTQIA+ people. It challenges the self-critical part that has been working so hard to keep you safe.

Over time, this cycle can create what therapists often refer to as internalized shame: the quiet belief that something about who you are needs to be corrected, hidden, or explained.

What is internalized shame?

Internalized shame is the belief that something about who you are is fundamentally wrong, inadequate, or unworthy of acceptance. For many 2SLGBTQIA+ individuals, this belief can develop after years of subtle or direct messages that their identity is unacceptable, misunderstood, or unsafe to express. Over time, those external experiences can turn inward, showing up as self-criticism, self-doubt, or the feeling that you need to hide parts of yourself in order to be accepted.

Can therapy help with self-acceptance?

Yes. Therapy can support identity exploration, reduce shame, and help individuals develop a more compassionate relationship with themselves.

When to Seek Immediate Support: If stress, anxiety, or overwhelm is contributing to thoughts of self-harm or you feel unable to cope safely, seek immediate support. In Canada, call or text 9-8-8 for free, confidential crisis support. In emergencies, call 911. This article is for informational purposes only and does not replace medical or psycholgical care.